Thursday, 26 April 2007

EXCLUSIVE: Traffic Calming

Late this evening the government confirmed that it will introduce the most extensive traffic calming measures ever attempted within the UK. The main aim is to equalise the flows of a multitude of traffic streams in a way which will alter fundamentally how the UK public interfaces with the blogosphere.

A spokesperson for the Department of Transport said today, “A few blogs are heavily congested at a time when the majority are very quiet. We intend to redistribute the traffic so that UK traffic is averaged across all UK blogs.

Each UK blogger will be limited to 15 minutes or 2 comments – whichever occurs first - at one of the designated congested sites. After this bloggers will be diverted automatically to a series of uncongested sites each of which must be visited for 10 minutes. We believe that it is of national importance to have uncongested blog sites.

A spokesperson for two of the most congested political blogs, Anonymous, shouted, “This is the act of a discredited socialist government,” and then another spokesperson for them, Anonymous said, shouted “This is shameful. We are being punished for being successful. This government is not interested in the free market.” And then a third spokesperson. Anonymous said said, shouted, “Stealth tax on the successful. A handout to the poor. That nosepicker Brown is behind this.

The government spokesperson then stated, “A second aim of the measures is to ban the use of sock-puppets which have been used to artificially increase the traffic at sites. Also, we are aware of many examples where sock-puppets have forced other users of the blogosphere off sites, their intention being to retain these sites for friends and family.

None of the three blog spokespersons who commented previously, was available but the two blogs issued a joint statement which read, “As two of the busiest political blogs in the UK we refute totally any suggestion that sock-puppets are used on our sites. If this allegation is made in public, legal action will follow immediately. We are instigating a leak investigation to uncover where this scurrilous allegation arose.”

This correspondent understands that the owners of several left-wing blogs await developments with laughter.


  1. I would get some comments this way though!!

  2. Might lead to road rage...

    Fancy a go on the quiz on my blog?

  3. "Anonymous" makes a surprisingly good spokesperson.

    This is cute :)

  4. Ruthie

    I think I've just gone off you!!!

    You are meant to think and say that the various anonymouses are spouting drivel.

    If you recant I'll come back and visit you.

    Cute!! This is satire!! or possibly drivel!!

  5. Great stuff! But would they provide blogs carrying extra sock puppets with their own special blogging lane?