Today’s post comes with a warning.
If you are easily offended STOP here.
If you don’t have the same sense of humour as me, STOP here.
Good, that probably means that I’ll be the only person to finish this post which I penned originally in 2006 for the Guardians CiF page but I didn’t have the nerve to send it. Probably that’s where it should have stayed.
Anyway, the post starts below:
Much has been made today about Tony Blair’s £500k part-time job with J. P Morgan Chase. Rather than working in the financial sector there is a role for him which is more suited to his skill-range. He could do something for women: he could market his own brand of sex toys.
For the loyal Blairites there are Tony’s Ticklers: guaranteed to press all your buttons; to hit the spot in double quick time. You’ll squeal and squirm with delight and never ever want to get rid of it. You’d be horrified if you lost it or if someone suggests you throw it away because, for you, your Tony is the best ever.
For the non-believers, Blair has a product: The “Trust Me” range. Only too late you’ll realise that what you were sold has grown into a great big Whopper: much much bigger than you can cope with but you’ll be stuck with it no matter what you do. However desperate you are you just won’t be able to get away from it. There is no pleasure only pain. It goes on forever whatever you do. You pray it will stop, you beg it to stop, it says it will stop but it goes on and on and on….. and then, just when you were convinced you will die first, the toy stops and says,” I’ve shafted you for long enough.”
Then the toy’s appearance changes ....... into a great big useless clunking fist!!