Priorities Must Change

Apologies for the lack of recent posts: I couldn't be bothered but tonight I decided that I was going to publish regardless of what was there.

Life moves on apace.

Mrs C is likely to buy a very small flat in a small village 15 mies or so from where we are now. Fortunately I think we can afford to buy the flat without selling our current home but it means selling all of the shares I earned / saved whilst working. With most of my / our financial safety net gone I will have to work again. I don't really mind this as long as I can find a job which is interesting but I'm under no illusions though: finding such a job wil be difficult. Doing a "Tesco" job would be an absolutely last resort.

I think we'll know this week if the flat purchase is going ahead. If it does, life for us all will be very different.

Mrs C will be able to see the children whenever but I don't think she's nearly ready to be able to spend much, if any, time alone with them. Although I've done almost all the parenting for more than a year they'll miss their Mum terribly: she's always been here even if not parenting. I think Mrs C will miss them although they are a major source of stress. Obviously I'll miss Mrs C terribly but I've got to come to terms with the fact that this is how life is going to be.

My responsibilities will reduce. The house, the kids will remain with me but I won't have any responsibility for Mrs C. I'll be concerned, I'll care but I'll not be in a position to influence events. Others will have to take on that role. I'll still do whatever I can to ensure that Mrs C gets the treatment she needs - if that's what Mrs C wants - but my priorities will be the children and me. This is how life is going to be for some time and I need to plan for this ... now.

The one drawback of not selling the our house now is that this will have to happen sometime - a year or two or three or whatever. At least if we sold the house now - which I don't want to do - we'd be totally financially independent of each other (in terms of capital) and I could then develop and live my life. By not selling now, I'll always know that this is hanging over me and I think I'll find it hard to move on.

I really should think much more about this but I know I won't because I don't want to go through the disruption until it can't be avoided. Silly, I know, but that's me.

The last week or so has seen a slight - well, marginal - improvement in me. It coincides with the anti-depressants kicking in but also with some self-help I'm doing. I bought a book by Paul McKenna, the stage hypnotist - don't laugh or sigh now! Interestingly the book doesn't mention his career as a hypnotist but it does say that he is now a Dr although where his degree comes from is not stated. Anyway, I bought one of his book and it comes with a cd which I'm sure uses hypnosis. I don't care what techniques it uses if I find it beneficial. I guess I should mention to the bank to stop any money transfer from my accounts to Paul McKenna. Can you imagine a hypnosis cd which got hypnotised fools to empty their accounts? No, neither can I but it's an interesting thought.

I'm not back to normal blogging nor normal visiting but i'll do what I can. Please bear with me.

Thanks.