Saturday, 26 July 2008

Fatso Falls


Today (Friday) I've been bemoaning two facts.  Firstly, despite my last two posts (Lightweight etc and Contraceptive etc - each a humorous post - having been well received by some, those posts have coincided with two very low traffic days.  It's almost as though some potential readers knew they wouldn't like the posts before they had seen them.  I may be barking up a gum tree here but .... I have a feeling in my bones.

Secondly, I'd no more stories left.  My entire life and only two stories at which to giggle.  What a sad life to be so short of good stories but it was true.  I'd wracked my brains, but the cupboard was bare.  I had no stories .... but my bucket of cliches was still full.  And then, as though by divine intervention, a story, another true story, a simple story of failure. 

[It's 2 am.  I'm too tired to type. Two hours gone by and not one word done.  Leave until the morning]

"Fatso Falls" sounds as though it's a tourist attraction similar to the Victoria Falls but it isn't.  Not even close. 

I had just returned from Tesco with a small shopping, had put the shopping away and was about to talk broadband deals with elder child.  At last I'm getting round to broadband ...  possibly. 

Anyway we were in the dining room and I sat down on one of the wooden chairs. There was a crack, louder than when the toilet seat split, and the chair did not stop my bum but my bum - and the rest of me - kept moving.... downwards until I was spreadeagled on the floor on top of broken wood. 

Now I know the chairs are quite old and had been repaired a few times but this was uncalled for.  The chair might have had the decency to creak and groan and give me a chance to get off but instant disintegration was its fate and embarrassment was mine.

Do you think there's a message here that I'm a tad too heavy?

Now surely this will be the last of these posts!  There can be no more unless something happens today.


  1. Oh dear! Time for new chairs it seems. I hope you weren't hurt.

  2. Now Calum, don't be worrying about the traffic, that road only leads down the wrong path. Be true to yourself. I enjoyed the funny stories, I'm sure there are more buried deep, few of us could come up with our own just like that.

    Well the message might be that you need to lose a few pounds or that you should inspect your chairs more regularly for safety or there could be no message whatsoever but the chair had given its all and it was time to quit.

    Tell us some more about what it was like growing up, I can relate to those posts or more about Oban with pics. Write what you know so they say.

  3. I am with jmb on this. The most important visitors to me are the ones who just keep reading, it is nice if they can comment too :-)

    Just share some of your holiday photos and some of your memories, your blog friends will love them xx

  4. Well it made me laugh!

    I'm sorry. I should be sympathetic. Um, I hope ... no, it's no good: I keep visualising you and the chair!