Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Lightweight Posts - But Not This One !

For some time now my posts have been lightweight.  I want a subject I can get my teeth into but I can find none.  Well, it's either that or I'm not motivated enough to find a subject.  I suspect this is the real reason: motivation - or the lack thereof.  I can't be arsed looking.  I want a post to appear on my pc as if by magic but this won't happen.  Guess I'll just have to wait until I come through this phase but while I'm waiting I may as well continue in lightweight  - and tonight in lighthearted  - modes.

Whilst in Oban on holiday we stayed at the Youth Hostel and in less than 1 day the staff must have been dreading our stay.

Within minutes of arriving  - we hadn't even reached our room - we had caused a major hassle.  Rather than traditional keys the Hostel used magnetic stripe cards.  The kids went ahead to open the outside door to the building in which we were to sleep.  "We can't get in!"   Rather than going back to reception, "Let me look" I said foolishly. "Perhaps the card isn't far enough into the lock."  Fool!  I pushed the card until it disappeared inside the lock.  NOW it was time for reception.  The poor lady on duty had to climb in a window and open the door from the inside.  This at least got us in but the main door had to be kept open.  We disappeared to Tesco leaving the lady trying to lift the hidden card out of the lock using an emery "stick".  I shouldn't have doubted her.  All was back to normal when we returned.  Phew!

I think it's safe to say that we were known to the staff.

All went well that night but soon more trouble.  First thing in the morning I was sitting on the toilet and I turned to reach the toilet paper.


What the ....  was that?"

Toilet seat split.  

I shouldn't have been surprised because this last year I've had an inflation-busting weight rise of about 15%.  Officially obese, that's me although fat bastard is probably much more appropriate.  Fortunately no part of my anatomy was trapped or damaged and the toilet seat did, at least, retain its functionality.

Downstairs I went, head bowed, face red.  "I've had another accident.  Toilet seat broken.  We're here for a week. What on earth will be happening by then?"  I must admit the staff were very good about it but I'm sure they wondered, as did I, what my next call to them would bring.

I'm pleased to say that the Carr family and the hostel survived the next 6 days without mishap - thankfully.  Somehow, I think the staff were glad to see us reach that milestone.


  1. The tale made me smile, Calum. Those cards are a pain, aren't they? Did you have to use one to operate the lights as well as you do in hotels here?

    Glad you all survived!

  2. No. Cards only for doors. Just as well. Can you imagine having a card stuck in the lights keyplace? We'd have been in total darkness.

    By the way, why are you still up at this time?

  3. I laughed too Calum, sorry. But I'm glad you had a great vacation.

    My posts have never been other than lightweight I'm afraid.

  4. The vicissitudes of holidays - makes us think like staying at home sometimes. :)

  5. James

    Getting away from normal daily life is worth the embarrassment of a split toilet seat etc.

    Give me more!

  6. Strange, I always imagined you to be as skinny as a whippet. Maybe it’s the way you turn a phrase?

  7. Poor Calum! I've met up with the seat that slides sideways as soon as you make the slightest movement, and that's bad enough. But a crack like that sounds positively dangerous. Could have been really nasty.
    (By the way, any Muttley-type sniggering you hear isn't me - honest!)

  8. A far more interesting post than something major and serious!

  9. Made me smile and brought back memories of what happened to me at the PCS conference. LOL

    I could be persuaded to share!

  10. Wolfie I was lean once - many, many years ago. Turning a phrase will be the only turning I do. Lumbering yes.

    CP You know you're going to tell us. You want to tell us. Come on.

    RichardH I have to do "major and serious" cos only occasionally can I write a post like this. I have tried my hand at humour previously but most have fallen FLAT. That may be because my humour is often lavatorial and my readers are very PROPER. Possibly my readers all originate from Morningside where sex is what one puts the rubbish in.

  11. When you break the toilet seat it's time to think about ... investing in a wooden one.

  12. Mine was an incident with the plastic Key to get into my room. On the last day I had my bag packed with my coat on top ready to collect straight after breakfast. I thought I would avoid the queues and book out before breakfast and keep the key and return it later...

    When I got to my room after breakfast it wouldn't work, so I guessed they had wiped the data. I got assistance from the man who was stocking up new towels etc. He kindly opened the door for me.

    Something not quite right here, instead of my neatly packed case I saw piles of papers, a mobile phone charging and the light was on!!! Then I heard a mumbling from round the corner, so I beat a hasty retreat!

    I had got out of the lift on the wrong floor. Ooops!