Friday, 12 February 2010

‘Snot an Accident

I have never believed I was accident-prone, I still don’t, despite all the stories I have posted here.  Doesn’t seem many when one considers my advanced age.  This morning’s happening is not an accident but it may indicate a closeness to happenings bizarre.

IKEA, that home of culinary delights, was my morning base – free coffee before 10am plus one refill (officially) but unlimited in reality; 99p breakfast with my Family card.  Their coffee is fine provided I add 5 cream cartons. 

For some reason today I picked up two of their small wooden stirrers – smaller than an ice-lolly stick – and put one (the unused one) in my shirt pocket.

I was having my breakfast, first cup of coffee, reading The Scotsman (provided free of course) when my mobile rang.  Now you may need a good imagination to work out what actually happened here.

As I took out my mobile, which was also in my shirt pocket, the wooden stirrer shot out of my pocket like a bullet,  entered my left nostril and stayed there stuck until I recovered my poise and withdrew it gingerly.

Fortunately no-one saw this strange event:  I know because I heard no guffaws.

I have retained the stirrer and I am prepared to auction it for charity.  The highest offer will receive the stirrer uncleaned but autographed.  All money raised will be donated to ROSPA.


  1. Reading about your budgetary strategy makes me realise you really are a fellow of my own ilk. Is it something to do with us having PhD's in chemistry? Have we learned to analyse the true value of things (or are we just cheapskates)? My plate of chips and beans at Tesco was mighty fine this afternoon. Expect your daughter and mine might find a lot to talk about. Re the extracted nose-pick, I'm just surprised you didn't dislocate the shoulder retreiving it. Mind you out at the shops I did buy my wife a nice new bag and belt for Valentine's day - they should allow her vacuum cleaner to be working much more smoothly when she fits them.

  2. I love it, Andrew. I know you're nothing like the person you describe: I bet the "hoover" has your name on it

  3. Calum - Are you also a Scottish Dr. CalumCarr? Now I'm starting to understand your strange conversations and your affinity with Dr.Scott.

    Dr. Scott - I hope that the whole world read my comment on your last post (Blue sky thinking) about Mrs.Scott's halo. Sainthood deserves publicity!

  4. Claudia, the good Dr Carr (though he may like to keep his chemical doctor-hood quiet) tells me he spent many, many years studying the chemistry of whisky, and getting paid for it! The vapours have affected him, without doubt, but at least he has the excuse that it was work. For me it was, and is, just play.

  5. CP I think this ended up at the wrong post and that its home is here.

    CherryPie said...
    They may just have been polite and pretended not to notice...

  6. Claudia Yes, it's true but I think the affinity has nothing to with chemistry, PhD's or whisky. I think it's that I appreciate Andrew's madness - at a distance - and he my sanity.