I have never believed I was accident-prone, I still don’t, despite all the stories I have posted here. Doesn’t seem many when one considers my advanced age. This morning’s happening is not an accident but it may indicate a closeness to happenings bizarre.
IKEA, that home of culinary delights, was my morning base – free coffee before 10am plus one refill (officially) but unlimited in reality; 99p breakfast with my Family card. Their coffee is fine provided I add 5 cream cartons.
For some reason today I picked up two of their small wooden stirrers – smaller than an ice-lolly stick – and put one (the unused one) in my shirt pocket.
I was having my breakfast, first cup of coffee, reading The Scotsman (provided free of course) when my mobile rang. Now you may need a good imagination to work out what actually happened here.
As I took out my mobile, which was also in my shirt pocket, the wooden stirrer shot out of my pocket like a bullet, entered my left nostril and stayed there stuck until I recovered my poise and withdrew it gingerly.
Fortunately no-one saw this strange event: I know because I heard no guffaws.
I have retained the stirrer and I am prepared to auction it for charity. The highest offer will receive the stirrer uncleaned but autographed. All money raised will be donated to ROSPA.