Yesterday I posed this question?
Today I can answer unequivocally.
I AM A TWIT
For some reason I was incredibly tired today - that doesn’t make me a twit. This was probably the result of a poor night’s sleep because of the ToLi’s voodooism which gave me a severe muscle spasm in my neck yesterday.
I fell asleep in front of my pc, I put my car in for its MOT, I fell asleep in front of my pc, I had lunch, I fell asleep in front of my pc, I lay down on the settee at 2pm, I fell DEEPLY asleep.
At 3.16 I woke with a start. Shite!!!
I’ve to pick up younger child from school at 3.15. Shite!!!
And I’ve no car!!! I’ll have to walk. Shite!!!
I started to walk / run. No! I don’t run now. I walked as quickly as my delicate legs would carry my bulky frame.
I phoned the school. “Please press ‘1’ now for the school office” Shite!!!
I’ve got a new phone – bloody touchscreen. Daft choice at my age but I am a twit after all. “How do I press “1” when there’s no keyboard.“ Fuck! I have done it. How! How! Shite!!!
“Just give up and walk, Calum.”
Mobile rang. The school! “Hello”, “Hello” – I didn’t recognise the voice - and then silence. “Hello”, “Hello” – I still didn’t recognise the voice – and then more silence.
“Hello”, “Hello”, “Younger child, is that you?” Now I didn’t really say, “Younger child”. You realise that I can’t use the actual name here. Sorry, you worked that out for yourself.
Eventually I reached school – only about 13 minutes late, went to the school office and the deputy head opened the door.
“I’m sorry I’m late for younger child: I fell asleep”
“Lucky you,” she said but I know she really wanted to say,
“Calum, you are a fucking twit!” ……….. except she doesn’t know me as Calum.
I AM A TWIT !!