Despite my hundreds of posts this is a very strange post to write.
After more than 60 years, most of them being a trenchant atheist, I find myself with faith, a faith which seems to have crept up and snared me. ‘Snared’ and I am not in the least bothered. I am at ease.
How could this happen?
Every logical fibre in my body, and there are many, still tells me that there is no God but logic has no place here.
What has this to do with music?
I was at two church services recently, before last Sunday, and at each I felt apart, outside: the service had no meaning. I stood for each song but didn’t sing. I couldn’t sing when the words were nothing to me. Last Sunday, however, I stood and closed my eyes. The song I had never heard before but at the first singing of two particular lines:
“And I will fall at Your feet.
I will fall at Your feet”
I shivered and had goose-bumps. Throughout all my posting of YouTube videos I must have viewed / listened to more than 2000 videos and, whilst I have been moved, I have never had an experience like Sunday’s.
I had to find the song; I had to remember these lines. Yesterday, I could barely remember but I had enough words and eventually I found:
This is Our God Hillsong
I was engulfed. I listened and listened and listened and listened and still I was engulfed. After many hours and many videos I still couldn’t break away – not that I wanted to.
To help me on my way I need to listen to this, another Hillsong video, which I must have just about worn out!
With All I Am Hillsong
| Into Your hand You hold my world Jesus I believe in You I'll walk with You And I will live Jesus I believe in You | Jesus I believe in You I will worship I will worship I will worship I will worship I will worship I will worship I will worship I will worship I will worship | Jesus I believe in You Jesus I believe in You Jesus I believe in You Jesus I believe in You I will worship I will worship |
Where am I now?
I don’t know other than I am not where I was only a few days ago …. but that’s OK.
10 comments:
That's brilliant, Calum! I am so thankful that you are at ease and have found this.
There is no logic to God. When the impossibility of it all engulfs me I think of Jesus the man on earth and cling on to that.
Thank you for alerting me to your post.
Liz
Thanks. I wanted to tell someone whom I knew would appreciate what is happening to me. You are that 'someone'.
Alleluia! Wonderful news, Calum. Faith is a tremendous gift! It cannot be explained. Although it happens to many people, it's a very unique experience to each one. At 42, in one moment, I went from a dark hole, filled with despair, to a place of inner peace and joy. Life still remains a struggle but I have NEVER been alone again in this difficult world.
Thank you for your tremendous post. May God sustain you daily with His light and love.
Claude
Many, many thanks for your beautiful comment.
And now we have something in common beyond our love of music; something much, much bigger than our love of music.
Oh, this is so big!!
Oh, I am so happy!!
Oh, I am so at ease!!
Oh, and I did nothing!!
Oh, nothing could have been more natural!!
"God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform"
William Cowper 1731-1800
.......welcome aboard Mr.Carr, there is plenty of room upstairs
:)
When you stand still and listen to the moment your soul will see. This is what you felt.
Music is a great way to experience that feeling, it opens gateways.
Gateways to...
The place you are feeling.
This is only the start :-)
JD,CP
Thank you both!
Music is one of the ways I was touched but I know that my faith is not based on music but on my relationship with God.
I will do all that I can.
Thank you that I was that 'someone'. So exciting!
Liz
Mm!
You know what I meant. It was a compliment. Really!!
:)
There are so many signs of it everywhere and it's no surprise to hear of this experience - it happened to Paul, happened to a fellow blogger and happened to me way back.
There is a majesty which is hardly mentioned by any these days, a rush and it can happen to anyone - the more trenchant against, it seems to me, the more likely in fact that that might be the person who experiences it.
There's also the sheer weight of all those it's happened to in history. It's when we do things like go out into the night [something I rarely do] and just walk and contemplate it all and look for logical reasons why we're here as part of it on this speck at the end of a galaxy - that can get a person wondering.
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